Sometimes, the world takes pity on us and treats us to news that is both unbelievable and deeply obvious. This is typically the best kind of news, something that initially makes you say “Wait, what?” and then immediately transition to, “Oh, right, of course this is happening.” Usually, it’s one single golden light shone on a particularly weird corner of the entertainment world, and then right back to doom and gloom. Luckily, two pieces of news hit my eyes today that necessitated aggregation. As with most double-features, we’ll start with the lighter of the two:
Joey Fatone, of ‘Nsync, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and various competitive cooking shows, is opening up a hot dog stand. And really, that would be enough for this story, wouldn’t it? Fifteen years after boyband breaks up, boybander decides he likes hot dogs enough to share them with the world. Done, Print. But no, there’s more: It’s called “Fat One’s Hot Dogs and Italian Ice.” Let’s look at that amazing logo.
yes this is happening,in the works for a bit and it’s opening up in August in the Florida mall ,if your out here! pic.twitter.com/On0W1eCBtm
— Joey Fatone (@realjoeyfatone) June 27, 2016
Capitalizing on both his name and designation within ‘Nsync, the Florida Mall in Orlando, FL, will soon be hit by the Fat One, making this the funniest thing a former-N’Sync member has done since Justin Timberlake cried on Punk’d. Whether or not he’ll actually be at the stand slangin’ dogs and ice is probably dependent on how well “My Family Recipe Rocks” does in the ratings.
When you think of Guantanamo Bay, what is the first thing that comes to mind?
A. The ludicrous conditions that detainees of the prison camp have faced, including torture and various human rights abuses.
B. The ludicrous notion that, with a divided congress, President Obama ever could have fulfilled his campaign promise to close the detention center in any less than his two full terms.
C. The rapper Ludicrous, who once told us to both “stand up” and also to “move, bitch.”
D. All the above, baby!
If you answered D, you are newly correct. News broke yesterday that not only does Guantanamo Bay, which has less than 6,000 people (including 89 remaining prisoners), hold an annual 4th of July “Freedom Festival,” but, also, that acclaimed rapper Ludicrous will be headlining the event. Navy Chief Monique Hilley was quoted as saying there hadn’t been a performer of his magnitude since Jimmy Buffett played the base in 2002. Most recently, the band Plain White T’s played at the base this past October. No word on whether Ludicrous (real name Chris Bridges) will be making any alterations to his songs, such as “Pimpin’ All Over the World (Landed me at Guantanamo)” or perhaps “Act a Fool (and We’ll Waterboard you and Photograph You Naked).”