This Week in Movies – 2/4/15

In which our movie guru tells you what he really feels about what’s coming to the silver screen. Check in every Wednesday for the weekend’s releases, or grab a copy of our print edition to see the whole month.

 

JUPITER ASCENDING

Release date: February 6
Director: The Wachowskis
Cast: Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth
Website: jupiterascending.com

In what is almost always a harbinger of doom, Jupiter Ascending – from the increasingly pretentious minds that brought you The Matrix and Cloud Atlas – was bumped more than six months from its original July 2014 release date. Featuring a plot and character names better suited for a Family Guy parody, Jupiter stars Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, an unwitting descendant of alien royalty living on Earth and working as a maid. When she becomes the heir to an alien throne, a warrior named Caine Wise (Tatum) travels to Earth to protect her from those who seek to steal her family’s power.

 

SEVENTH SON

Release date: February 6
Director: Sergei Bodrov
Cast: Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Alicia Vikander
Website: seventhsonmovie.com

Tom Ward (Barnes) is the seventh son of a seventh son, which apparently makes him a prime candidate for fighting an evil witch called Mother Malkin (Moore). To prepare himself for battle, Tom becomes the apprentice of a powerful wizard named John Gregory. The sorcerer is played by Jeff Bridges, who seems to have recycled the atrocious, grizzled “old man voice” he used for The Giver. This film is based on the novel The Last Apprentice: Revenge of the Witch, which is the first installment of a 13-book series called The Wardstone Chronicles.

 

SPONGEBOB: SPONGE OUT OF WATER

Release date: February 6
Director: Paul Tibbitt
Cast: (voices of) Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Rodger Bumpass, Clancy Brown
Website: spongebobmovie.com

Remember SpongeBob SquarePants? Yep – it’s still a thing! The absorbent and yellow and porous cartoon character is back for another big-screen adventure more than a decade after his first feature film. In Sponge Out of Water, SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Sandy and Mr. Krabs leave their animated underwater world to retrieve the stolen krabby patty secret formula and save Bikini Bottom from destruction at the hands of Burger-Beard the Pirate (Antonio Banderas).

 

Have an opinion on this week’s releases? Tell us how YOU really feel below.


 

 

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Posted in Arts+Culture, Arts+Culture – Harrisburg, Arts+Culture – Lancaster, Arts+Culture – York, Movies

David Onda is Fly Magazine's movie guy. He is an entertainment writer for a national outlet. He's attended and covered the Academy Awards on several (well, 3) occasions for a national outlet. He once made Quentin Tarantino laugh. He has shared an elevator with Bruce Willis, sat in John Waters' living room and has flown in the same airplane as Joan Rivers.

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