The New York Post, a print publication our own Mike Andrelczyk calls “Only useful for their gambling pages,” is trying to raise our collective rents. The still-functioning daily newspaper released an article today declaring Lancaster City to be the new Brooklyn. Their headline couldn’t be bothered to name it, of course, only detailing a “small town in Amish Country.”
In being declared a “new Brooklyn,” Lancaster joins Oakland, Queens, Stockholm, Beijing, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Montreal, Nashville, Warsaw, Baton Rouge and Maplewood, New Jersey as esteemed cities reduced to an easy cliche. So proud.
The article details a litany of great art spots, like Space and Mio Studio. Interestingly, though the author says that food is the best thing about Lancaster, she condensed the places that deserve love into a single paragraph. Shoutouts to the Pressroom (“A bit of old Lancaster!”), Horse Inn (“Horse stable turned speakeasy turned gastropub!”) and Yorgo’s (just kidding).
We even got a quote from the newspaper-proclaimed “unofficial mayor” of Lancaster, No Heroes’ Frankie Kirchgessner: “It feels like every weekend we have people from out of town staying at our house. It’s a punk-rock kind of city.”
Our own parent company, LNP, hit the New York Post back by…thanking them for noticing us? Harrisburg’s Penn Live clapped back by…claiming they knew Lancaster would be cool in 2015? C’mon, guys! This is a “still-functioning” publication still mostly known for the “Headless Body in Topless Bar” headline from 1983. This is a “still-functioning” news publication owned by a conglomerate that is literally just called News Corp. And let’s not forget about that disgraceful 2012 “DOOMED!” debacle. They continued functioning after that, too.
There is no denying that Lancaster city has been on the rise for years now. Its location, along with younger people willing to live and operate here makes it a joy to wake up most mornings. However, as with most things, as soon as the microscope is enhanced, the jig is up. So as the “unofficial editor” of the New York Post, I’ll be gracefully deleting the article from their website, as soon as one of my unofficial new underlings is nice enough to send along the password.
We’re really through the looking glass now.